argh...the great fire wall and guilt about domestic help

So I started a blog to keep people updated on our time in Shanghai - www.theshannoninshanghaiupdate.blogspot.com. This was working beautifully until two days ago when blogspot was mysteriously blocked by the great fire wall - along with youtube - and now I'm hosed. The ironic thing is that I don't really have a beef with the communist government here. They do some great things that would take years in the U.S., where we'd all have to vote on it, the lobbyists would have to pay a bunch of congressmen off, and we'd take forever to do something that makes sense to 99.9% of the people. For instance - they banned plastic grocery bags here. What a great idea!!! You can buy (for roughly 7 cents a bag) big, re-usable grocery bags that you keep in your car. It's brilliant. At home, this would take 10 years or so to accomplish, but everyone here seems to have adapted pretty quickly. It's not really that hard to carry four or five bags from your car to the store each time you go...

Or lightbulbs. Incandescent bulbs are either banned or soon to be. Everyone has to use compact fluorescent bulbs instead. Seriously - how bad is that? They use 1/5 (or something like that) the power of regular lightbulbs. With 1.3 billion people here, that's going to make a difference pretty quickly...

But it's irritating to not be able to post videos of your kids or update your blog. Seriously, who cares? So there's a video of protesters in Tibet out there...they generated more publicity for it by blocking it than they would have gotten otherwise. I have no idea why blogspot is blocked. I'm sure it's for a VERY important reason. So...in the meantime, you get to hear my rantings here on facebook (which, I'm sure, will be blocked soon...).

So what have I been wanting to rant about lately? Domestic help. Don't get me wrong, it's great to have it. I love having dinner cooked for me every night, and I love not having to worry about cleaning the house. But the other day I sat down with a salad and a glass of wine for lunch. I grabbed a book, went out to the balcony, and relaxed for about 45 minutes. This is something I NEVER had the time to do in the States. But I thought, "What the heck...why not??" And then, when I came back in the apartment, I got my answer. Because while I was sitting there, sipping wine, eating a lovely chicken salad and finishing Ursula Hegi's The Worst Thing I've Done , Lily was on the other balcony washing the glass partition that keeps the boys from tumbling to their deaths (but which gets ridiculously dirty). Within 2 seconds of turning around, I went from feeling relaxed to feeling guilty about sitting there while she worked. And I struggled with this for a few days.

Now I know that everyone who's never experienced this is probably thinking something along the lines of "Oh, poor Shannon. Such a tough life. Feeling guilty about having to have a glass of wine at lunch...poor baby." And I get that. I would have felt the same way 6 months ago. But there's nothing like having your every action force an ethical debate in your mind. Is it wrong to relax while the woman (who is only 3 years older than you) you pay to clean your apartment busts her butt? Is it wrong to ask your driver to work overtime? Is it wrong to fight for a lower price at the fake market, even though you can really afford to pay more? As I told my dad, I just want to go home and be in a place where I know the rules...where I don't have to wonder if what I'm doing is wrong. Because while I feel guilty about having an ayi who makes a ridiculously low wage compared to what she would in the States, I have learned from friends that NOT having an ayi is even worse. Not because you're doing all the work you would do at home, but because you get chastised by local Chinese people for not employing someone while you're here. Turns out, there is an expectation that you will have AT LEAST one ayi (and more, if possible) working for you if you're an expat here. It's your duty. Go figure. You can't win for losing.

So I struggled with my guilt for a few days, and then I thought about our builder, Tom. Tom was awesome - if you ever need a contractor, let me know. But here's the thing: I never felt guilty about resting while Tom was doing something around the house. Why? Because most of the time, I couldn't do what Tom did. I couldn't help him if I wanted to. And that's the difference. I CAN wash the windows and make dinners. I CAN do laundry. I CAN make the beds. But I pay Lily to do that, just as I payed Tom to build us a house. And I think it's okay to sit down while she's here - as long as I'm not obnoxious about it.

I'm sure my guilt isn't gone forever. But it's gone for the moment. I know I (okay, we - although truth be told, it impacts my day more than Michael's because he's at work and I'm at home) am doing my part, employing a Chinese national. And we're treating her well. We pay well above average wages. We pay excessive amounts for overtime. We don't leave huge messes. I'm teaching her English. We've signed her up for Western cooking classes, which will benefit her in the future. We've bought her Western and Chinese cook books. If this all sounds like an attempt to assuage my guilt - it is. But we all do what we have to do, even if it sounds ridiculous to people in other situations...